If you find yourself feeling lonely right now, as though no one understands, you are not alone. Your journey is yours to walk, that is true. But, how you choose to walk the tightrope known as Pots is your choice. I am not speaking of the physical symptoms you are unable to control. I would personally like to throat punch Pots. You know, allow it to see what it feels like to not have the ability to catch its breath. I would love for it to experience the head to toe draining of energy upon standing, which results in feeling like all of your weight suddenly drops to your feet. Or what about those heart rate spikes? Now those are a real joy. And Pots pain…well there is just nothing quite like it. It is nearly impossible to describe, but that doesn’t make it less intense.
I find that Pots has become its own entity in my life. I think many of those who have Pots have a difficult time keeping the mind-body-spirit connection balanced. Personally, there are many days I feel as though my mind is saying GO, while my body is saying, “Yeah, that’s not happening”. Because of this disconnect, we know we have an illness but it often translates as something outer body. When your autonomic nervous system is a hot mess, well so are you.
For two years I couldn’t sweat. I was cold all of the time. I now sweat like I am a crossfit champion when I simply stand up and walk to the kitchen. What in the world? Because my symptoms with Pots are ever changing, it’s easy to disconnect my mind and body. I don’t believe I am the only one who feels this way. We feel completely out of control.
This year I have become more cognizant of this disconnect. I think it’s unhealthy for the mind and body to have such a strong separation. I believe as human beings our mind, body and spirit are meant to not only be connected but have numerous areas that overlap. It should be naturally interconnected not fighting on separate teams.
So what does a Potsie New Year look like? Most likely we are not going to wake up completely better in the morning. We are going to struggle with basic tasks. We are going to lose our breath walking to the bathroom. The room may spin for days or even weeks. We may find we have to get infusions because our bodies are just not listening to what our mind is saying.
I have chosen recently to have resolve with many of my Pots episodes and flares. What I mean by that is this…I cannot control what my body chooses to do many days, but I am able to control how I respond. I do have the option to do something physically taxing knowing I will pay a price. I have to decide if the suffering was worth the experience. I also regularly refuse to allow toxicity into my life if it’s in my control. I do not cater to those who always have an emergency or always somehow end up in the middle of drama. I am a no drama mama. 😊 And if you want to be friends with me, then you don’t bring your hot mess express. 🙋🏼
I realize it may sound a bit rude to be that resolute about something. But that is what I believe this Potsie New Year must entail. You have to take care of your health and anything that compromises it, has to go if you have control to do so. One word comes to mind and I mentioned it above…Resolve. Resolve over my symptoms and flares, resolve over not allowing more toxicity into my life, and resolve that I will not be someone who chooses to see only the bad in every circumstance.
Look, I get it! Pots is mean. It doesn’t care if you have plans. You are never able to leave it at home. It follows you wherever you go. It is with you now and it’s probably why you are reading this instead of trying to do something tonight. But I want to encourage you to make resolve with the areas you know bring no life, peace or joy into your heart. Here are just a few…
-Resolve to not allow what others say determine how you feel about yourself.
-Resolve to focus on the areas you can make changes, while allowing yourself to not carry guilt for the things you have no control over.
-Resolve to learn from this season. Pots has a way of stripping you of everything, while at the same time allowing you to choose what is important and to let go of the insignificant, superficial pieces of your life that you once held so dear.
-Resolve to not sweat the small stuff.
-Resolve to believe again…to have hope when everything around says otherwise. There is no current cure for Pots. But I also don’t believe there has been adequate research trying to find a cure. It’s easier to treat the symptoms than to find the root of the issue. So don’t give up hope a cure can be found.
-Finally resolve to live the best life you are able to live. Numerous studies have shown those who continue to pursue life, goals, and happiness are the ones that find it most often. It’s a daily choice. But it’s our choice. I encourage each and every one of you to choose life in this stormy season. I know it is not ideal. I know it takes away much of our quality of life. BUT it CANNOT take everything!
I hope 2019 is one filled with better days. I hope more research can be conducted so we can find a cure for this debilitating illness. And finally, I hope you can dig deep and find the resolve within yourself to continue fighting, hoping and believing there are better days ahead. Much love. ❤️